so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
worst night to have a conscience
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
