did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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