I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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