apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
