loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
