I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize