I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
where are my eyebrows?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize