I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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