i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
