wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize