I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
