No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
God gave him joint rollers for hands
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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