Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
