You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize