He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
