Your face is a jimmy john
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
