i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
