but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
