awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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