so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
