I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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