I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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