Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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