so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize