he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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