Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
