Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
