When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
