Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
