I cockslap morals
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
