I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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