Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
