Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
