We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
