I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
