hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
