how hairy? two words: wookie tits
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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