So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Enjoy the penises
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
