pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
