I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
