Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
