So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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