ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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