I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
