i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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