I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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