You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize