so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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