I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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