She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I can text with my tongue
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
