i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize