Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
We are all done wearing pants today
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
