I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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