Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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