It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Less talking, more tequila
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
