I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
