College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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