Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
