Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
