I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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