i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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