I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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