No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
