I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
