I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
