Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
