Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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