fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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