Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
