i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just googled if crying burns calories
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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