i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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