just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
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