I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
