sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
