are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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