is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
