We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
