I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
