You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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