I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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