If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
