worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize