I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
