So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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