haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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