I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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