Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
