No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
high people should be assigned attendants
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
