It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
