So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
