i think i have herpe
just one?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
