You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
