im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
