At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize