tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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