Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
