Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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