Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
