Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
