sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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