Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
