Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
