you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
