the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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