thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
