He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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