If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
