If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
